by maryam azeeza muhammad
Throughout the diaspora, men of African descent often grapple with maintaining a sense of peace in their interpersonal lives, unable to open up and resorting to self-medication and isolation.
For Black men, the world can be unrelenting and unkind. Many of them put on a mask of effervescent cool, walking with their heads high, seemingly ready to face whatever the world throws their way. But beneath the stoic veneer of masculinity are men struggling with the pressures of a society that doesn’t want them to thrive, thus beginning a lifelong quest for peace that the powers that be never intended for them to have.
Jersey-born rapper Cal Nubian meditates on his form of self-imposed exile while on a quest to find a source of comfort on his latest single, “i mean honestly, outthaway.” The track, released on March 28, paints a picture of a young man who is trying his best to keep it all together despite life’s bitter hand.
At the same time, while going through such trials and tribulations, he understands and conveys throughout the song that he is not to be deterred, noting that he still has obligations to his peers and his loved ones, no matter what. Cal Nubian is honest about being flawed. Melodically displaying his woes, he notes that he’s been heartbroken and down on his luck in the past but he is still required to “be a man and get the fuck up,” a concept that is widely associated with being a Black man, as many are seen as the protectors and keepers of their communities.
This often means having no choice but to leave those feelings of uncertainty and emptiness at the door to navigate what are seen as more pressing issues, such as finances, family drama, romantic relationships, and even intra-communal violence. In the eyes of the world, an inability to handle such problems is considered not only failure, but weakness as well. Being conscious of this, Nubian admits, “I never could be too honest, I never could tell the truth,” understanding that the truth will only add to his burden in this case if he were to be open about it.
And, more often than not, there are no age requirements or restrictions when it comes to being thrust into said issues; from the cradle to the grave, duty calls. Similarly to Nubian, DMX laments on the problematic nature of this in his legendary track “Slippin’,” saying, “They put me in a situation forcing me to be a man when I was just learning to stand without a helping hand.” Nubian continues this saga, telling a kindred tale, but for a younger generation; while still reflecting on his challenges, Nubian remains somewhat hopeful and inspired, knowing that the tranquility and bliss of life that he desires so much is still very attainable so long as he works diligently towards it.
In order to see the sun, he must first go through the rest of the storm. Being “outthaway” is no longer an option, and there is only so much escapism that rolling up with a few friends or venting in the studio can provide. It’s time for Nubian to return to the world to face his problems with his head held high. A break from reality was only temporary.
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